I made the recent, naive decision, to fly to another continent and spend time with my "boyfriend" and his family. My boyfriend, now ex, and I have been separated for several months due to distance. However, we saw each other sporadically and made frequent contact via skype. We've had some problems in the past, but after spending time in Europe I assumed our relationship was headed in a great direction. I thought that being with him and his family in Asia was the next step to bring us closer.

Unfortunately, I was completely and utterly WRONG. Not only did my ex unintentionally reveal to me that he does not see a future with us, but also, he views me as a companion and is not in love. I am very hurt because I invested so much time, energy, and now money in the relationship due to my trip. He is a great friend, and I love him as that, but I cannot help that I want more.

Where does that leave me? I am still in Asia staying with the family and it's very awkward. The last two days I barely spoke to him and I really don't want to talk. At the same, this is my first time in Asia and I want to make it worth it despite my heartbreak. My ex is very flirty with me and still wants my companionship. I've been warming up a little to reduce the awkwardness, but I'm still definitely on guard.

Therefore, I am wondering: how should behave toward him being that I am so hurt, but abroad? Also, we have a great friendship, but I'm resentful about the way I was treated in the relationship (he never felt fully connected to me after almost 4 years), should I keep up communication because I right now I'm leaning against it.

Today my ex-boyfriend and I had a conversation about his constant use of rules in dating. It wasn't him having rules that we disagreed on, but what I interpret as him breaking them all whenever he wants, to the point where I fail to see how they serve him in the first place. For example, my ex has been involved with 4 girls this year and was officially in  a relationship with 3/4 of these girls. Girlfriend #1 was me. His rule at the time was he would not date long-distance and he wanted a Chinese girl who knew Chinese culture. Well I am a black girl who was planning to study abroad at the time. Two weeks into dating he broke up with me for these reasons. Girlfriend #2 was a Chinese girl who was "white-washed" according to him and did marital arts. I was surprised because he had also mentioned that he did not want a girl who did the same thing that he did: martial arts. So guy who wants traditional Chinese girl not involved in martial arts dates non-traditional Chinese girl who does martial arts...I think it lasted two months. By this time he was positive that he wanted a long term relationship that could lead to marriage. Girl #3 was a bisexual girl who was not ready for commitment- needless to say, that didn't last very long. So now he's on Girl #4/Girlfriend #3 and they're 2 weeks into dating. At first I was really confident about this girl because he was so happy. But then I became skeptical because they met in L.A. and he lives in Berkeley, CA (a 371 mile difference).

"Is this a long distance relationship?" I asked
"Yes"
"But I thought you didn't want one of those"
"I didn't" he responded.

And this is how we came to the rule discussion. My ex maintains that he has rules, but believes that they have to be adapted when the situation calls for it. I agree. But my point was his 'rules' tend to adapt for every situation: whenever he finds a girl he fancies, he breaks the rules, but not too soon afterward, they break up. Well, what was the point of having the rule in the first place!

My ex said that he does not want to miss out on his dream girl girl because of some silly rule and that's why he's always making exceptions. I say, how do you expect to find your dream girl if you're always making exceptions for girls who don't fit your dream girl rules?

So I want to know because I think this is partly a battle of linguistics, not just implementation: What do you think about having rules in dating? Does my ex really have 'rules' and given how he uses them, should he in the first place?

I am currently curious about friendships and whether or not they should be mixed with romantic feelings. When I was young (and naive) I always imagined that my SO would also be someone that I had been friends with for awhile. We would start off as platonic and unassuming friends, and with time, trust, and shared experiences, I pictured that friendship naturally involving into something more...

But as of late, I've been thinking that perhaps friendship hinders romance as opposed to helping it grow. I remember when my ex-boyfriend asked me out and I initially said "No" because I valued our friendship too much. It might sound crazy, but the last thing I wanted was for us to not be on talking terms because the relationship ended badly. As someone who really values friendship, and hates to lose a good friend, I am sometimes torn between showing romantic interest in a friend and the fear of losing them due to relationship drama. In fact, sometimes I think that it would be better to date someone that I didn't know and become friends in the process, than to date someone that I grew with in some aspect...Because lets face it, when you're in a relationship the rules and expectations for behavior changes; and it is my belief that this could present a potential problem, especially for two people use to one type of dynamic between them.

Therefore, I cannot help but wonder: Has anyone else gone through these conflicting emotions and romance? And how did you deal with them?